Apologies are tricky—even for adults. We’ve all heard (or given) those half-hearted “I’m sorry you feel that way” non-apologies that don’t actually mend relationships. So, if saying sorry is hard for grown-ups, it’s no surprise that kids struggle too. Teaching children to apologize isn’t just about getting them to say the words—it’s about helping them understand responsibility, empathy, and making things right.
Why Kids Resist Apologizing
If you’ve ever told a child to say sorry and been met with a defiant “No!”, you’re not alone. Kids resist apologizing for a few reasons:
They don’t understand why they should. Young children are still developing empathy and may not grasp how their actions affected someone else.
They feel embarrassed or defensive. Apologizing can feel like admitting failure, and kids—like adults—don’t always like to do that.
They think it’s just words. If a forced “I’m sorry” gets them out of trouble, they may not see the point in actually meaning it.
So, how do we move beyond the “Say sorry!” demand and instead teach meaningful apologies?
Step 1: Model Genuine Apologies
Kids learn from what they see. If they hear you giving real, heartfelt apologies—“I’m sorry I raised my voice. I was feeling frustrated, but that wasn’t fair to you”—they’ll pick up on what a good apology sounds like.
Step 2: Focus on Understanding Before Words
Rather than pushing them to say sorry immediately, help them understand why their actions hurt someone. Try saying:
“Look at her face—how do you think she’s feeling right now?”
“What do you think happened when you took his toy?”
“How would you feel if someone did that to you?”
By slowing down and helping kids connect actions to emotions, you’re laying the foundation for genuine apologies.
Step 3: Teach the Elements of a Good Apology
A meaningful apology has more than just the words “I’m sorry.” Teach kids this simple structure:
Say what they’re sorry for. (“I’m sorry for pushing you.”)
Acknowledge the other person’s feelings. (“That must have hurt.”)
Make amends. (“Do you need a hug? Do you want to play something else?”)
Work on not repeating it. (“Next time, I’ll use my words instead of pushing.”)
For younger kids, even a simple “I’m sorry I hurt you. Are you okay?” is a great start.
Step 4: Praise Genuine Efforts
If your child makes an effort to apologize—even if it’s not perfect—acknowledge it. “I saw how you said sorry and asked if she was okay. That was really kind.” Positive reinforcement helps kids see that apologizing isn’t just a punishment; it’s a way to repair relationships.
Step 5: Make Amends Part of the Process
Some kids struggle with verbal apologies, and that’s okay. Encourage them to express remorse in ways that feel natural to them: drawing a picture, offering a hug, or helping fix what was broken. Teaching that “sorry” is more than just a word helps kids understand that making things right is just as important as admitting the mistake.
Step 6: Skip Forced Apologies
Let’s be real: a grudging “Sorrryyyy” through clenched teeth doesn’t help anyone. If a child isn’t ready to apologize, don’t force the words. Instead, focus on helping them process what happened and how they can make things right when they’re ready.
The Long Game: Teaching Accountability and Empathy
Apologizing isn’t just about smoothing things over—it’s about helping kids grow into adults who can own their mistakes, repair relationships, and practice empathy. With patience, modeling, and gentle guidance, kids can learn that a real “I’m sorry” isn’t just something you say—it’s something you do.
