You know that feeling—when you build something up in your mind, only to have reality come in and knock it sideways? Maybe it was a weekend you were really looking forward to, a family get-together you hoped would be healing, or a vacation you thought would reset everything… and then, it just didn’t go the way you imagined. Instead of feeling recharged, you feel frustrated, disappointed, maybe even a little resentful.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. You might be caught in what I call the expectation trap.
It’s totally human to have expectations. In fact, it makes sense—we like to picture how things should go. It gives us something to hold onto. But when we expect too much from a situation, or from people who are just doing the best they can, we can end up feeling let down. A lot.
Let’s be real for a second: most things in life aren’t going to unfold like a Pinterest board or a rom-com. That doesn’t mean they’re not good or meaningful. It just means they’re real.
When you gently lower your expectations (not your standards, we’ll get to that in a second), you’re giving yourself more room to breathe. You’re also giving life a chance to surprise you—in the best way.
Here’s a little metaphor I love: imagine your friends hype up a restaurant and you walk in expecting the best tacos of your life. But then they’re… okay. Not bad, not great—just fine. Now you’re not even enjoying your food because it didn’t live up to the version in your head. The tacos didn’t disappoint you—your expectations did.
Here’s what happens when we start to shift this:
- You feel less anxious. You’re no longer trying to control everything.
- You feel less hurt when people don’t act exactly how you hoped.
- You start noticing the small, beautiful parts of life you might’ve overlooked.
And let me be clear—this isn’t about settling. Your standards (the things you need for safety, respect, and care) should stay intact. But your expectations? Those are allowed to soften. They’re allowed to shift.
Instead of “this needs to go exactly right,” try thinking, “I’d love for this to go well, but I’m okay if it’s messy or imperfect.” That shift can make a world of difference.
And if you’re someone who tends to carry the weight for everyone—trying to make sure things feel just right or keep the peace—this can be especially powerful. Letting go of the imagined version of how something should go helps you actually enjoy it for what it is.
At the end of the day, lowering expectations doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re letting life meet you where you are.
And sometimes, that’s where the magic actually lives.
