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How to Use Love Languages in Your Relationship

Published by Heidi Byers on

How to Use Love Languages in Your Relationship

Five love languagesThe Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you has a lot more to do with just treating others nicely or karma.

Having this principle instilled in us from an early age, we develop an understanding of how we want to be loved.

Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of the Five Love Languages, states that there are five Love languages in which we want to be loved: Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmations, and Physical Touch.

We tend to treat others by the love language that means the most to us. For example, if you love receiving hugs, and it makes you feel loved, you are more likely to want to hug other people and make them feel special and loved. Understanding your love language can help you become self-aware of your own needs and wants. 

Love languages can help us grow in our compassion and our ability to share the love. Whether you are newly dating, just married, or have been married for 20 years, love languages can help grow your relationship.

You can take the five love languages quiz for free at its website here. I suggest that you take a quiz by yourself in a space that is free from distraction and have your partner do the same.

Once completed, come back together to talk about your results. Some questions for reflection:

1) What did you learn about yourself?

2) How can you love yourself more with your love language?

3) What did you learn about your partner?

4) How can you love your partner more with their love language?

One of the first steps to loving your partner more with their love language is loving yourself with yours. Self-care is incredibly important to maintaining fulfilling relationships.

On planes, the flight attendants will always tell you to put your oxygen mask on before your child’s. You must fill your love oxygen so that you can give more to your partner.

Having a safe and brave space to talk with your partner about your needs and wants is crucial to implementing love languages. No one can read minds, so it might take some vulnerability and discomfort to share what makes you feel loved.

Lastly, showing gratitude to your partner for expressing your love language to you. Any time someone tries to do something to make you feel special, acknowledge that with gratitude. It is almost effortless to find the faults within our relationships with people. Showing gratitude helps us to find the good that comes from our relationships and can help maintain a long term healthy and happy relationship.  

Five love languages



Heidi Byers

Heidi is our student intern for 2020-2021. She is currently enrolled in the Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Villanova University. Heidi focuses on anxiety, depression, and stress while she learns more about utilizing CBT, DBT, mindfulness, and strengths-based therapy.