It often starts with a message that feels harmless. Maybe even sweet. You are finally thinking about pulling back, setting boundaries, or walking away when your phone lights up with a text that makes you pause. Suddenly you are questioning yourself all over again.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Narcissistic communication is often meant to create confusion, self doubt, and just enough hope to keep you emotionally connected. These texts are not always cruel or obvious. Most of the time, they are subtle and carefully timed, especially when you have started to gain clarity or distance.
Let’s talk about some of the most common types of texts narcissists send and why they can be so hard to ignore.
The Guilt Trip Text
“I guess I am just the bad guy again.”
This message is not about accountability. It is about shifting the emotional weight onto you. By framing themselves as the victim, they quietly invite you to feel guilty, defensive, or responsible for their feelings. It is not an apology. It is a way to pull you back into caretaking mode.
The Nostalgia Text
“Remember that night we stayed up talking until 3 a.m.?”
This one taps into the good memories. The moments that felt close, meaningful, and real. Narcissists often lean on nostalgia to blur your memory of the hurtful patterns that made you consider leaving in the first place. It creates emotional confusion by reminding you of who they were when things felt good.
The Sudden Self Awareness Text
“I know I have not treated you the way you deserve.”
This can feel hopeful. Like maybe this time things will be different. But without consistent change, follow through, and space for your pain, this kind of message is just words. Insight without action keeps you stuck in waiting mode.
The Crisis Text
“I am going through something really hard right now.”
These messages often show up when you are pulling away. They shift the focus back to their needs and emotions, quietly pushing yours aside. You may feel guilty for holding boundaries or feel like now is not the right time to step back. Suddenly, you are back in the role of emotional support.
The Bait Text
“I have something I want to say but I do not know if I should.”
This creates curiosity and pulls you into chasing clarity. You might feel the urge to respond, ask questions, or reassure them. Before you know it, you are emotionally re engaged without them having to be direct or vulnerable.
The Accidental Text
“Oops, wrong person.”
This one is meant to spark a reaction. Maybe it is a message, a photo, or a comment that makes you wonder what they meant or who it was for. Often, it is a way to get you to reach out first while they avoid taking responsibility for reconnecting.
Why These Texts Work So Well
Narcissistic relationships often follow a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard. These texts usually show up during what is called the hoovering phase, when they sense you pulling away and try to pull you back in.
They work because they target empathy, hope, and self doubt. They arrive when you are vulnerable or just starting to feel stronger. Even when they sound caring or remorseful, they rarely come with the consistent behavior that real change requires.
Understanding what is happening beneath the surface can help you step out of the cycle. If something feels off, trust that feeling. Texts can be powerful, but so is your clarity. And clarity is often the first step toward protecting your peace.
Hi, I’m Angie. I work with people who are trying to hold it all together while quietly wondering why life feels so overwhelming. Maybe you’re stepping into a new chapter—college, a job, a relationship—and it’s not going the way you thought it would. Maybe you’re tired of overthinking, people-pleasing, or feeling like you’ve lost track of who you are. I get it, and you don’t have to figure it out alone.
In therapy, I help you slow down, untangle the noise, and start feeling like yourself again. Together we’ll build confidence, set real boundaries, and find ways to handle life without so much pressure or self-doubt. My goal isn’t to “fix” you—it’s to remind you that you already have the strength and clarity you need.
When I’m not in session, you can usually find me sipping a matcha latte, spending time with my dog, or enjoying the calm of fall weather.
If you’re ready to feel grounded, confident, and back in control of your own story, I’d love to meet you.
