If you’ve ever heard someone say, “I’m out of spoons today,” and wondered what on earth they meant, you’re not alone. It’s not about forgetting to do the dishes—it’s a shorthand that’s taken root in disability and mental health communities to describe something many of us struggle to explain: limited energy.
The Spoon Theory, coined by Christine Miserandino in a now-famous essay about living with lupus, offers a powerful metaphor for managing chronic illness, mental health struggles, or even just the invisible weight of a hard day. It’s simple, intuitive, and weirdly comforting once you get it.
So, what exactly are spoons?
Imagine you start each day with a limited number of spoons. Every task you do—getting out of bed, showering, going to work, responding to texts, making dinner—costs you one or more spoons. When you run out? You’re done. You literally can’t do more without rest or recovery.
The catch is, not everyone starts with the same number of spoons. Someone managing anxiety, depression, ADHD, chronic pain, or trauma might wake up with fewer spoons than someone who isn’t carrying those things. A healthy person might spend one spoon to go to the grocery store, while someone with chronic fatigue might spend five.
It’s not just about physical energy—it’s about emotional, mental, and psychological bandwidth, too.
Why it resonates with so many people
What makes Spoon Theory so popular is how it puts language to something that’s often misunderstood. If you’re someone who has to calculate whether you have the energy to attend a friend’s party or clean your apartment, you get it. And if you’ve ever tried to explain why “just going for a walk” feels impossible today but didn’t yesterday, spoons make that relatable.
Spoons help validate an experience that often flies under the radar: the invisible drain of managing your mental health. You might look “fine” on the outside but feel like you’ve already used most of your spoons just to show up for the day.
Using Spoon Theory in real life
One of the beautiful things about Spoon Theory is how it gives people permission to plan, prioritize, and say no. It becomes a gentle way to check in with yourself: How many spoons do I have today? What do I need to save them for? What can I let go of?
It also gives language to communicate your needs to others. Instead of saying, “I just can’t,” you might say, “I don’t have the spoons for that today.” For people in your life who understand the metaphor, it creates space for compassion instead of judgment.
And if you’re a high-functioning perfectionist type? It reminds you that managing your energy isn’t laziness—it’s wisdom. You don’t have to earn rest by burning out first.
The bottom line
Spoon Theory is more than a quirky metaphor. It’s a way to talk about energy, limits, and self-compassion in a world that doesn’t always honor those things. Whether you’re the one counting spoons or someone trying to understand what your loved one is going through, it’s a helpful lens for seeing the invisible challenges behind everyday life.
So the next time someone says they’re out of spoons, you’ll know—it’s not about silverware. It’s about surviving the day with limited resources, and choosing (bravely) how to spend them.
