Have you ever caught yourself freezing up because of one question looping in your head: what will they think?
Maybe it stops you from wearing the outfit you love, sharing an idea you are excited about, or setting a boundary you really need. That quiet but persistent worry can be exhausting.
Here is the truth. Other people are not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.
Let’s talk about why.
Your brain is turning up the spotlight
There is a well known psychological concept called the spotlight effect. It explains our tendency to believe that everyone is paying close attention to what we say, wear, or do. In reality, most people are focused on themselves, their own worries, and their own insecurities.
That outfit you keep second guessing or the presentation you felt awkward about is probably not sticking in anyone else’s mind. Chances are they are replaying their own moments and being just as hard on themselves as you are on you.
Judgments are usually personal, not factual
When someone forms an opinion about you, it often says more about them than it does about you. Everyone views the world through their own experiences, values, and fears. If someone has something negative to say about your choices, it is often tied to their own beliefs or unmet needs rather than any objective truth about your worth.
This does not mean all feedback should be ignored. Thoughtful and caring input can be helpful. The key is learning to ask yourself whether the opinion is coming from a place of care and insight or simply from someone else’s perspective.
You are the one who has to live your life
At the end of the day, you are the one who wakes up with the results of your decisions. Not your friends. Not your family. Not strangers on the internet. If you take a new job, move somewhere new, or change a relationship, you are the one living with the outcome.
That means you are also the most qualified person to decide what feels right for you. Handing that power over to other people can keep you stuck and disconnected from who you really are.
Approval chasing never really works
Trying to make everyone happy is a losing game. Opinions change. Expectations shift. What earns praise one day might earn criticism the next. When your sense of worth depends on outside approval, it becomes easy to lose touch with your own values and needs.
Over time, this can lead to burnout, resentment, or a feeling that you do not even recognize yourself anymore.
A more grounding question to ask is this: what feels true to me? When your choices are guided by your own values, other people’s opinions tend to lose their grip.
There is real freedom in letting go
Letting go of what others think can feel scary at first, but it is also incredibly freeing. It creates space for authenticity, creativity, and deeper connections. You start showing up as yourself instead of shrinking or reshaping to fit someone else’s expectations.
A helpful mental shift is this. When judgment pops up, try asking yourself not what do they think of me, but what do I think of me? That small change can make a big difference in how you move through the world.
Other people’s opinions will always exist. They just do not have to run your life. When you understand the spotlight effect, recognize where judgment comes from, and choose to listen to your own voice, you get back a lot of energy that was never meant to be spent on worrying in the first place.
Hi, I’m Megan! I’m a licensed professional counselor who helps kids, young adults, and adults find calm, confidence, and balance when life feels overwhelming. My approach to therapy is real, compassionate, and focused on helping you feel more grounded in your everyday life.
I get that anxiety and stress can show up in a hundred different ways—racing thoughts, tight shoulders, restless nights, or just feeling stuck. Together, we’ll slow things down, untangle what’s been weighing on you, and build tools that actually work for your life. Therapy with me is about feeling heard, supported, and capable of handling whatever comes next.
When I’m not in session, you can find me with an audiobook playing, spending time with friends, or watching a good show with my husband. If you’re ready to make life feel a little lighter and a lot more manageable, I’d love to work with you.
