Ever wondered what goes on behind the closed doors of a therapy session? If you’ve been in therapy before, you’ve probably noticed certain phrases that seem to pop up again and again. It’s not because therapists have a secret script (though that would make our jobs easier). These statements are often rooted in research, psychology, and years of clinical experience. They’re designed to help you reflect, grow, and ultimately feel better.Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at some of the things we, as therapists, say in the therapy room—and why we say them.
1. “That makes so much sense.”
This isn’t just a throwaway phrase. One of the biggest parts of therapy is validation—letting you know that your experiences, feelings, and reactions are understandable given what you’ve been through. When we say, “That makes sense,” we’re not just being nice. We’re acknowledging that your feelings have a reason for existing, which can help you develop self-compassion instead of self-criticism.
2. “What’s coming up for you as we talk about this?”
You might be in the middle of telling a story when your therapist pauses and asks you this question. It may seem a little abrupt, but there’s a reason for it. Sometimes, we’re so focused on retelling an event that we disconnect from how we actually feel about it. This question brings you back to the present, helping you notice any emotions, thoughts, or body sensations that are happening in real-time. It’s a way to help you process, not just recount.
3. “Can we sit with that for a moment?”
If you just said something really difficult, you might expect your therapist to jump in with a solution or a distraction. Instead, you’ll often hear this phrase. Sitting with a feeling—especially an uncomfortable one—is part of the healing process. Avoiding emotions doesn’t make them go away; it just buries them deeper. By pausing and allowing yourself to experience the emotion, you’re learning how to tolerate distress rather than push it down.
4. “Tell me more about that.”
This might be one of the most common therapy phrases, and it’s not because we’re nosy. When you gloss over something, it’s often a sign that there’s more beneath the surface. Maybe you downplay your stress or rush through an important memory. When we ask you to tell us more, we’re helping you slow down, explore, and connect the dots in ways you might not have on your own.
5. “How would it feel to try something different?”
Change is uncomfortable, even when we want it. You might be stuck in patterns—whether it’s people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or self-criticism—that feel familiar, even if they’re not serving you. When we ask, “How would it feel to try something different?” we’re not pushing you into action right away. We’re inviting you to imagine another possibility, planting a seed for change at your own pace.
6. “I wonder if there’s another way to look at this.”
Our thoughts shape our emotions, and sometimes, we get stuck in a loop of negative self-talk. This phrase isn’t about dismissing your feelings; it’s about expanding your perspective. Maybe you assume a friend is mad at you when they don’t text back, but could there be another explanation? Maybe they’re overwhelmed, or their phone died. Therapy helps you develop cognitive flexibility—meaning, the ability to hold multiple possibilities in your mind instead of automatically going to the worst-case scenario.
7. “That sounds really hard.”
Simple? Yes. Powerful? Absolutely. When you share something painful, you don’t always need a solution. Sometimes, you just need someone to sit with you in the difficulty, acknowledging that yes, this is really hard. Many of us have been conditioned to brush off our struggles, but therapy creates space to honor them instead.
8. “Have you noticed this pattern before?”
Life has a way of repeating itself. Whether it’s relationships, work stress, or self-doubt, patterns often emerge in different areas of our lives. When your therapist asks this, they’re helping you zoom out and recognize recurring themes. Awareness is the first step to breaking a cycle.
9. “What would you say to a friend in this situation?”
We tend to be our own worst critics. When you’re caught in self-blame, this question helps you shift your perspective. Most of us wouldn’t talk to a friend the way we talk to ourselves. Learning to extend the same kindness to yourself can be a game-changer.
10. “Let’s take a deep breath together.”
It might seem cliché, but there’s science behind it. When we slow down our breath, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system—the part of our body that calms us down after stress. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, dysregulated, or stuck in fight-or-flight mode, a therapist might guide you through a simple breathing exercise to help ground you in the moment.
The Power of These Phrases
Therapists aren’t just saying these things because they sound good. Every question, every pause, every moment of validation serves a purpose. These phrases create a space where you feel heard, understood, and empowered to grow.If any of these phrases have stuck with you in your own therapy journey, there’s a reason. And if you’re new to therapy, now you know—behind every simple phrase is a world of meaning.
